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• Buy with CREDIT CARD • Buy with CHECK OR MONEY ORDER
• Buy with CREDIT CARD • Buy with CHECK OR MONEY ORDER
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Details
of our manufacturing
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NOTE: Payment procedures on the "manufacturing and shipping" pages are out of date and should not be used. Order here instead. |
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I can order a certificate with my boyfriend's or girlfriend's name on it, right? I don't have to use the names in the examples above?
Right. You specify the name(s) for the certificate(s) during the order process. If you miss the "Special Instructions" box, just write to us at the email address you'll receive in the confirmation letter.
How quickly can they be sent out?
We're making a special effort for Valentine's Day 2004. All orders submitted by Sunday night February 8 will be shipped Monday February 9 via First Class mail. That should ensure delivery by Valentine's Day. If you order by Wednesday February 11, your certificate(s) can be shipped via U.S. Express Mail on Thursday, for delivery on Friday.
What kind of paper are the certificates printed on?
The paper itself is high-quality certificate paper which looks and feels heavy and "official." The green border and background are pre-printed on the paper by the manufacturer. Only the text within the decorative green border is added by us.
What makes these certificates special -- not just some funny words printed on paper?
They are hand-signed and -dated, and the gold seal applied afterward. In addition, the "Dick of Dickstinction" award is embossed with a Notary-style raised seal in two places: once on the gold seal (lower right) and once on the paper itself (lower left). Even if we do say so ourselves, they look really really cool!
Do
you do gift-wrapping?
No, but for a modest additional charge we can include a very chic-looking gold gift tube for presentation to your loved one.
What's
this I hear about a "gold gift tube"?
Funny you should ask! The above-mentioned tube adds a perfect finishing touch to make your certificate really, really special.
Are the certificates mailed in a well-protected envelope?
Certificates are mailed in an extremely sturdy mailing tube. If a gold gift tube is also ordered, the certificate is put inside the gold tube (itself quite sturdy), and then the gold tube is slipped inside a slightly larger tube for mailing.
What happens if a certificate is damaged in the mail?
It won't be. But if one is damaged, of course we'll print out and send along another copy.
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Why should I pay "shipping and handling" for just a sheet of paper?
The certificate itself weighs about 1/3 of an ounce. But the shipping tubes weigh several ounces each. And they're not cheap to buy by themselves!
Are the signatures at the bottom signed by hand, or printed by computer?
They are signed by hand. In the illustrations above, we have inserted computer-generated signatures not used in the final product.
Why
are all your photos of naked men and not women?
It's much easier to get men to pose naked than women. Plus, we're gay and that's what we did first.
Have
the certificates been featured in any national magazines?
Thanks for asking! Yes, our certificates were prominently featured in the Valentine's issues of Instinct magazine and In Touch magazine (2003).
Why does the "Dick" certificate have a seal which is embossed?
Because the Dick of Dickstinction certificates were the first ones we produced -- and we were sure that the market for them was large enough to justify the cost of the seal. Those seals are not cheap! If the market for the "Breasts" and "Legs" certificates is large enough, we'll order an embosser for them, too.
When
you talk about the "details of our manufacturing processes," you seem
to be joking. You're not really masturbating
while you're making these things, right?
Yes, we are joking; no, we are not masturbating. It is true that we're nudists, so we usually ARE naked when we work on the certificates, but we don't enjoy ourselves sexually during the process. Sorry!
• Buy with CREDIT CARD • Buy with CHECK OR MONEY ORDER
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